Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
