Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
