omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
