OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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