I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
