She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I deserve this hangover.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
