toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
