I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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