she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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