I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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