His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
