I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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