All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
