My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
