no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
