this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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