His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
