He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
