I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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