if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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