I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
