thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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