Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
