dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
