so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
