Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
