You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
