after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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