Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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