I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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