I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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