Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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