y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
