Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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