I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just cropdusted the office
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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