Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
