Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
