dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
