Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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