his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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