He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
