i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
