I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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