apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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