oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
