there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Rumble strips road head = magical
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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