i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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