is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
