i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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