Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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