why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
