U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
