if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
