Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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