Pants 0. Shit 1.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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