just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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