so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
