Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
