you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
